We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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