fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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