it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
