In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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