What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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