____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
