I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
