Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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