I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
