You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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