Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
