Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
