I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
