I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
