I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
