I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
