Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
