I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
