just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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