In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
