watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
