Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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