He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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