my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
