Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
