I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
