at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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