you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
