you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
