I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
