First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
