I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
