You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
