I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
