she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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