It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
