i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
