is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
