Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
