I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
