I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
