I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
