its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
