Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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