So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do herpes really smell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
