he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
