that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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