i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
