I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Couch. On fire.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
