Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
