Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
