Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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